Happy Valentine's Day!
by AnnaAza
Summary: Let us celebrate Valentine's Day-Avatar style! Yet ANOTHER parody of our hapless heroes!


**Okay, thank you guys for your reviews and favorites for my fanfics! I'm glad you liked them so much! **

**Alright, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, here's...Valentine's Day-Avatar style! This is a little longer, but I hope you guys like it!**

**DISCLAIMER:**

**I do not own "Avatar"  
**

"**Happy" Valentine's Day!**

It all started on the Valentine's Day week.

Jake Sully was eating his breakfast when Norm burst in with a basket full of chocolates, flowers, and a teddy bear with a big stuffed heart that said _I love you BEARY much_. It had a small card with hearts and fancy lettering that spelled out _I love you, dearest Trudy. From, a Secret Admirer. XOXOXOXO_

Jake watched in confusion as he dodged RDA members, trying not to be seen. He looked like a lame spy dodging spotlights. A REALLY lame spy dodging spotlights, that is.

Norm snickered as he put the basket on Trudy's usual table spot. He casually walked to Jake's table and sat down.

Jake stared at his friend. "Norm? Did you just…"

"I know!" Norm laughed. "Isn't it great?"

"Sure, but isn't it weird?" Jake couldn't believe his eyes or ears. Was Norm crazy?

"Not at all, my friend!" Norm slapped Jake on the shoulder, in a classic "dude!" moment.

"It isn't? Um, congratulations?" Jake stuttered. "I'm sure you and Trudy would be a great couple!"

Norm suddenly turned red. _"What?"_ You could almost hear the screeching brakes of the brain train groan and wheeze as it came to a stop.

"Well, is that why you put out the gift basket? Because you…" Jake nearly choked on the words. "love her?"

There was an awkward silence.

Norm burst into laughter so loud everyone stared at him. Jake made the "totally insane" sign and pointed at Norm. Everyone either snickered or nodded, then did whatever it was they were doing.

Norm wiped tears from his eyes. "Dear Lord, no!" He lowered his voice into an excited whisper. "It's a prank on Trudy! She'll believe it's from a secret admirer, and go all moony and girl-gaga. Then, in a couple days before Valentine's Day, I'll reveal me as the "secret admirer"! Her face will be priceless!"

Jake finally understood, but then paused in again, utter confusion. "It's Valentine's Day soon?"

Norm gave him a "dude, you are CLUELESS" look. "Jake, It's the seventh. Tuesday. Tuesday next week is Valentine's Day-the fourteenth." He spread out his arms, gesturing at the red balloons, red streamers, presents, chocolates, hearts, and the huge COUNTDOWN TO ROMANCE: VALENTINE'S DAY IS NEXT WEEK! banner. "You haven't noticed?"

"Well, excuse me! Being on a mission, dealing with my brother's death, and having Grace breathing down my neck 24/ 7 is VERY distracting! And I don't remember Valentine's Day, let alone the date?? Geesh!" Jake groaned, putting his head down on the table.

"Sorry, man." Norm apologized. "But seriously, it has been stressful. You need fun!"

"No beer." Jake mumbled through the table. "We almost burned down this place the last time you wanted us to have fun. Quaritch was nearly _thisclose_ to killing us!"

"Not beer, Jake! Girls!" Norm dramatically spread his right arm out, as if he were a game show host. "Take a pick, get some romance on, and bing-bam-boom—you have an awesome life ahead of ya, man!"

Jake shook his head and look at Norm, who was singing "Single Ladies" and dancing on the table. He was getting weird looks from everyone. More than usual, I mean. "No."

Norm paused in his song. "But you can date…Lexie? She's really funny!"

"No."

"Mandy! She has really cute-"

"No."

"Tasha! She's an expert at-"

"No."

"Bethany? She's really friend-"

"No."

"Leslie? Trina? Andie? Jamie?"

"No, no, no, and no!"

"Rachel?"

"No!"

"Samantha??"

"NO!!!" Jake shouted so loud everyone stared at them again. Jake muttered angrily as Norm gestured for them to turn around.

"Geesh, Norm and Jake, you guys are being a real pain in the ass," Grace emerged, carrying a clipboard and a pen. "Put that energy, and hopefully not the stupidity, into our mission today. Come on, boys."

"Alright, as you know, it's the week of building tension in the Na'vi!" Grace announced to them. "Know why?"

Jake shook his head. Norm nodded. "It's like Valentine's Day for the Na'vi, right?"

"Yes. It's Za'u Txe'lan (Come Heart) Week. It's a week of the males and females trying to pick their partner for the Seyri (Lip) Ceremony. It says a kiss on that night seals the eternal love as soon-to-be mates. That final night, is in fact, Valentine's Day." Even Grace softened a little, smiling. "So I'm taking you guys to see the whole week of it. Eytukan and Mo'at is allowing you to attend this special week, so I expect you to thank them."

"Awesome!" Norm cheered.

"Wait, the kiss seals the fate?" Jake asked. "And they're bonded-the couple on that night?"

"In a way, though they are not married." Grace answered, looking suspicious. "Why?"

Jake shrugged. "Just curious."

Trudy arrived, skipping into the room. "Hey, sorry I'm late!" She was in her pilot's uniform, holding the basket. She was grinning, her face so happy that it seemed to be glowing. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." Norm smiled at her, trying not to laugh.

* * *

Jake, Norm, Grace, and Trudy walked into the village.

Each had a different purpose.

Norm immediately dashed off to eat some of the Na'vi treats lying around and try out his new pick-up lines.

Trudy was watching a young boy attempt to woo a girl. His attempt ended in him falling into the mud. Trudy laughed and rolled her eyes.

Grace was taking notes and recording her observations on what she saw.

Jake, on the other hand, was looking for his favorite tutor. Finally, he spotted her.

Perhaps it was because of the Valentine's Day fever, but Jake's feelings for Ney'tiri intensified to as big as the Na'vi forest. She did make fun of him, slap him, call him stupid, had a…bad temper at times, and was sarcastic, but she had her good traits. Those stood out as Jake realized his true feelings for the chief's daughter.

Her kindness at teaching him the Omaticaya Clan ways. Her concern when his Ikran threw him off the edge of a cliff. Her fun and carefree away of riding her Ikran through the skies. Her wisdom in the wilderness. Her loyalty and protectiveness to her clan. Her fighting skills. Her respect for all life.

He loved her.

Jake stared like an idiot at her as Ney'tiri walked up to him. She was very beautiful, so very-_get your mind out of the gutter, Jake!_ She smiled at him. "_Kaltxì._ _Nga-ru_ _lu_ _fpom_ _srak?" _(Hello, how are you?)

Jake tried to think of a clever reply to Ney'tiri. He smiled back and said-

"_Sìltsan_." (Good) _How articulate I am!_

Ney'tiri switched back to English. "You're doing better with the language!"

Yup, he was. It was a challenge for him to understand what the heck the Na'vi were saying half the time. It was an accomplishment for Jake to get the pronunciation of a single word right, let alone remember what it was.

"Anyway, why don't we go…tutoring?" Jake stuttered out. Wow, was he pathetic today!

Ney'tiri smiled, albeit confused. "That's the first."

Jake's tutoring went decently well, though he couldn't stop staring at Ney'tiri.

Suddenly, Tsu'Tey burst in, holding out a pretty necklace. It had carved trees, Ikrans, and and Ney'tiri's name on the back. Ney'tiri took it. "Thanks, Tsu'Tey, that is so sweet!"

Jake glared at his rival. Tsu'Tey smirked. "Hello, Jake."

"Tsu'Tey."

Ney'tiri glanced at the sun. "It's time for me to do some chores. Bye Jake, Tsu'Tey!" She waved and ran off. The two boys waved, then glared at each other.

"What the heck, Tsu'Tey!" Jake snapped.

"You never liked tutoring anyway, you _skxawng _(moron)." He rolled his eyes. "Besides, I'm taking Ney'tiri to the Seyri Ceremony!"

"No." Jake surprised himself at his strong, determined voice. "I am."

Tsu'Tey gaped in shock, but recovered his composure. "We'll see about that."

And so the games begin…

* * *

Meanwhile Grace, Trudy, and Norm were back at the headquarters. They left Jake there, who was working on a project and could not be pushed, coaxed, badgered, or shoved back home.

Grace, who did not participate or like Valentine's Day, was writing about what she saw at the village-the gifts, the poems, the courtship, everything.

Selfridge walked by. "Happy early Valentine's Day! Not exchanging love notes with Quaritch, Grace?"

Grace threw her steaming hot cup of coffee at him. It hit him in the head, spilling coffee on him. It shattered against the floor.

"Clean that up!" she screamed to a janitor.

She turned back to Selfridge, who was rubbing his head in pain. "No. I'm writing about the Za'u Txe'lan Week. I'm working, while everyone else is goofing around. I don't like Valentine's Day."

"Me too!" Selfridge exclaimed. "It's the worst holiday ever! The love, happiness-it makes me sick! We should be working now, not getting goo-goo eyed!"

"Exactly!" Grace slammed her pen down. "We should do an Anti Valentine's Day day!"

"Heck yeah!"

* * *

Trudy ran up to Norm and threw her arms around him. Everyone stared.

Norm, startled, hugged her back awkwardly. Trudy kissed him full on the mouth. Sputtering, Norm could only stand frozen in shock. He was...happy, but really, _really _confused. But happy.

Whispers hissed through the air.

"Did she lose a dare?" someone whispered. Some people gasped, whispered, murmured, pointed, whistled, or took pictures.

Trudy pulled back. "Oh, Norm! Thank you SO much for the Valentine's Day basket!" She looked up at him, eyes widening. "You love me?"

"Err…how did you know?" Norm asked, avoiding the question. His cheeks were bright red.

"Your handwriting's on the card, you dumbo!" She waved it in front of him.

"Oh…" Norm scratched the back on his neck. "Well, uh, Happy Valentine's Day, Trudy."

She smiled at him. "So, do you want to…uh." She blushed. Yes, bad-girl Trudy, who couldn't stand idiotic guys at all and had a "business is business, don't stand in my way" attitude, _blushed. _Norm's head spun. Trudy ducked her head and said in a smaller voice, "Go out with me? Dinner at six?"

"Uh……" Norm thought, placing his chin in his hand. Trudy had fallen for his prank, but he hadn't expected her to have…feelings for him. He felt weird, but flattered. He considered himself as "the ladies' man," but was usually the "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on Earth!" guy. He was a misunderstood romantic, and also a great dancer! His male ego shot up like a rocket. "Sure, Trudy."

* * *

Jake stayed overnight, and had gotten special permission to stay throughout the week. His excuse for Eytukan was that he wanted to observe and participate in Za'u Tex'lan Week. For the RDA, he said he wanted to experience it fully, since it was his first year as an avatar. His excuse to Quaritch was so he could "gain their trust."

With that in mind, let's see what Jake's going to do today!

Ney'tiri and Jake were practicing bows and arrows. He "unintentionally" missed the target continuously. "Uh, Ney'tiri? Can you help me?"

"Sure, Jake." She placed her hands on his arms, adjusting his position. Jake grinned in his mind. He flushed red, but Ney'tiri didn't notice. "Position your arms, just so." She pushed him a little, forcing him to spread his legs a little into a proper stance. "There." Jake's skin heated up as Ney'tiri leaned in and spoke in his eat. "Keep your eye on the target and stay in that position." She ran her hands down Jake's arms. "Jake, you seem warm. Are you ill?"

Jake: 1

TT: 0

Jake coughed awkwardly. "Uh, no. It's just…hot today! Wow!"

Ney'tiri patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll take a break later." She stepped back, and Jake felt the heat leave him.

* * *

Tsu'Tey smiled at Ney'tiri. "Hey, Ney'tiri."

"Hey." She looked around the clearing. "Where's Jake? He was supposed to meet here for more Ikran riding lessons."

Tsu'Tey shrugged, "disappointed." "Meh, he probably went back to the alien's camp."

At that moment-

Jake struggled against his bonds and gag. He was trapped inside one of the hollow trees. He was getting claustrophobic. "MMMPPPPPPHHH!"

Tsu'Tey smiled broadly at her. "Do you want to race?"

The young woman grinned. "Prepare to lose.

TT: 1

Jake: 1

Mo'at approached the laughing Na'vi friends. Ney'tiri dusted herself off. "What is it, Mother?"

She frowned at Tsu'Tey. "Why is Jakesully bound and gagged in a tree?"

Ney'tiri stared at her friend. Paling, Tsu'Tey stuttered, "Uh, I dunno, bye!" He raced off.

* * *

Norm sat at a table, with a single candle glowing in the middle. On the table were two plates of spaghetti, a small chocolate cake with vanilla frosting, and two glasses of wine. He was wearing a white suit he had brought along, with a red tie had was strangling him now. Norm tried to loosen it, sweat trickling down his brow. He was very nervous-this was the date with Trudy.

She was late. He checked his watch. 6:15. Where was-oh my God. He felt his face turn beet red.

Trudy walked in. Her hair was slightly curled, with the sides pulled back. She wore pink eye shadow and red lipstick. Silver heart earrings dangled from her ears. A silver locket was on her neck. A pearl bracelet was on her right wrist. The most shocking of all-she wore a dress. It was a sleeveless red dress, the hem coming down to her ankles. It swished as she walked and empathized…certain things. She wore matching high heels and they made her sway her hips as she walked.

Norm's jaw dropped to the floor and he went tongue-tied. "Wow…you look beautiful."

Trudy giggled. "Thanks."

Norm held out a single red rose. "Uh, I got this for you."

Trudy took it and tucked it in her head. "Thanks, Norm! That was so sweet of you!"

Norm loosened his tie. "Er…you're welcome." She laughed and reached over the table, putting her hands on his neck. She took off the tie. "Let's get that off, Norm. You look like you're being hanged." Trudy set it aside and brushed his pulse with her hand, trailing up his neck. "That's better, isn't it?"

Norm flushed. "Uh, yeah."

* * *

Grace put up black balloons around the building. Selfridge was lying down on the ground, working on the banner that read _Happy Anti-Valentine's Day. _He colored the hearts as broken, black, and cracked. He nodded in approval.

* * *

Then came the final day-Valentine's Day. Jake and Tsu'Tey were frantically working on their plans to win Ney'tiri's heart.

Jake ran up to her. "Ney'tiri!" He plummeted to the ground, as Tsu'Tey tripped him. He fell on his face. Looking up, he saw Ney'tiri's worried face. "Jake? Are you okay?"

Jake began to exaggerate the pain. "Agh! It hurts! OWWWWW…." Ney'tiri helped him up and examined his face, touching it gingerly with her fingers. Tsu'Tey glared.

J: 2

TT: 1

"Ney'tiri look!" Tsu'Tey shoved a single flower at her. It was pink, red, and white and seemed to glow from within. "It's the rare Txe'lan flower. I picked it, for you-my beloved."

Ney'tiri took the flower and smiled at Tsu'Tey. She sniffed it. "It smells so sweet! Thank you!"

TT: 2

J: 2

Jake shoved Tsu'Tey out of the way and thrust out a bouquet of Txe'lan flowers at Ney'tiri. Ney'tiri dropped Tsu'Tey's flower and grasped the bouquet, smiling blissfully. Tsu'Tey's face gaped in shock.

J: 3

TT: 2

Ney'tiri was shoved down on a rock as the boys ran to get her gifts. Confused, she watched as the two desperate lovers pushed and shoved each other to present her gifts. They kneeled in front of her. Ney'tiri, being naïve at this time, did not know what was happening.

Tsu'Tey handed out a gourd drum, delicately crafted and carved. He had spent painstaking hours shaping it just so. Standing up, Tsu' Tey played a Na'vi love song. He also sang and danced, twirling and holding out his hand. Ney'tiri took it and twirled around with him. She sat back down when the music was over.

Jake gave her an electric guitar he had stolen from Quaritch. He played "All You Need is Love," in his own rock-out version. Jake sang loudly and did cool Michael Jackson "Thriller" moves, even though they had no relation to the song whatsoever. But hey! The ladies love Michael Jackson! Right? (crickets chirp)

J: 4

TT: 2

Tsu'Tey presented his hopefully mate a picture of the Hometree he had spent days working on. It was very vivid and lifelike. In the front was Ney'tiri standing, practicing her archery. She looked graceful and warrior-like at the same time. Ney'tiri gasped.

Jake, with a flourish, dropped a very valuable painting at Ney'tiri's feet. It showed two people-a man and a woman. The man, in medieval attire, was being embraced by a fair young woman. He was sitting on the windowsill and sharing a passionate kiss with the woman. Ney'tiri smiled.

Meanwhile…

"Who took my Frank Dicksee **(yes, that's a name)** painting of _Romeo and Juliet_??" Selfridge screeched.

J: 5

TT: 2

Jake whipped out a balloon and twisted it into an Ikran. Ney'tiri clapped her hands. Tsu'Tey popped it.

TT: 3

J: 5

Two hours later, Ney'tiri was covered in a pile of presents. Jake and Tsu'Tey were arguing whose presents were better.

"Mine are!"

"No mine are!"

"I made mine with love and care! You stole some from the RDA!"

"So?? Ney'tiri liked them!"

"Well, she obviously wants me!"

"No, me!"

"I've known her forever!"

"Well she loves me like she's known me since birth!"

"She does not! She smacks you and calls you names!"

"That's what girls do when they like someone!"

"Maybe on your planet, but ours is different!"

"She is mine!"

"Oh, bring it on!"

The boys lunged, punching the crap out of each other.

"STOP IT!!!!" Ney'tiri grabbed the two and threw them both into the trees.

"Is this what this is all about?? To win me over??" she screamed. They both meekly nodded.

Ney'tiri sighed. "I'm sorry, guys, but I can't be won over by presents. It's the person that counts."

Tsu'Tey got down on one knee. "Ney'tiri, I've known you since we were little. I've always loved you, and I always will. We were together when we found our Ikrans, learned archery, and hunted our first animal. We have history, Ney'tiri. And we can't throw that away now."

Jake sighed, defeated. He couldn't compete with Tsu'Tey's speaking abilities. He decided to give it a shot, what really he needed to say. "Ney'tiri, I love you."

Ney'tiri gaped in shock. "What?"

"I like you a lot. I haven't known you for long, but you...you're..." Jake stuttered in nervousness. "Kind, brave, fierce, strong, loving, and you've shown me new things and perspectives."

Ney'tiri smiled.

* * *

"Wow, that was a complete waste of time!" Grace snapped. "Who knew how many dopey people like Valentine's Day!" No one-besides Quaritch-had gone to their Anti-Valentine's Day party.

Selfridge stormed out too. "Geesh, that is just stup-" He tripped over a bug.

Oh, that was funny! Let's do it again! Again! Again! Okay, he's getting annoyed at me so I better stop…moving on!

Anyhow, Selfridge fell. Gravity does that you know!

He fell right into Grace, knocking her to the ground. Grace fell on her back hard, her head clunking against the floor. Selfridge was now on top of a stunned Grace. They were panting from the terrifying fall and their faces were close together. And-

Quaritch rounded the corner, yelling, "GRACE! SELFIDGE! I-"

Stunned, he saw what (he thought) was taking place. His mouth opened and closed. His eyes bulged out. He shook his head. He shuddered and shook. This sight was scarier than a pack of Thantors, Viperwolves, Leonopteryxs, Ikrans, and other creepy Pandorian animals charging at his heels, ready to smash his body in the ground and pound it into pulp.

Norm rounded the corner, going to meet with Trudy. "Um, Quaritch, are you-" He SAW.

Grace and Selfridge sputtered.

Norm shuddered and wanted to gouge his eyes out. "I did NOT need to see that."

Quaritch walked away, shivering. There are some things no man can face.

Grace shoved Selfridge off of her and slapped him in the face. Selfridge got up and Grace rose to her feet. They both groaned. "This is the worst Valentine's Day ever."

* * *

Norm, trying to purge the mental image out of his mind, ran into Trudy's room.

Trudy was in a lacy tank top and short-shorts. Her hair was loose, waving around her face.

She smiled at him. "Hello, Norm." She leaned up, against him. Norm tried to NOT think of…stuff, but to no avail. Trudy played with his hair, took his arm, and led him outside.

He was in a pretty clearing, with flowers and trees and a river. Trudy pushed him into a tree and thrust herself against him, running his hand down his chest. She leaned in and kissed him. Norm responded wildly, as he felt Trudy grab his hips and-

Shoved him into a pit of poop.

Sputtering, and smelling like a Dumpster with elephant poop in the middle of summer, Norm came back up, spitting out bits of…scat. "What-what the-Trud-"

Trudy laughed at him. "HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Norm stared in bewilderment as his girlfriend howled with laughter. "Oh my God! You fell for it! Literally!"

"What's going on?" Norm tried to haul himself out of the hole, but slipped and fell into the sludge again.

"I KNEW you were pranking me! So I pretended to like you and you believed it! HAHAHAHA!!!"

It was hysterical. It was ironic. It was humiliating.

It was a good thing Trudy had a camera phone.

Laughing, she took about ten shots and grabbed a secret camera from the trees. "I'm SO going to show this!"

Norm grasped wildly at the edge of the pit, his legs flailing as he tried to heave himself up rather pathetically. "Wait! No-" Trudy pushed him in, cackling. "Happy Valentine's Day, Norm!"

Norm lay in the disgusting pile o' impurities. "This is the worst Valentine's Day ever."

* * *

Jake and Ney'tiri lay in a meadow, watching falling stars. It was after the ceremony and their first kiss with each other. Ney'tiri was curled up against him like a cat and Jake had his arms around her. Ney'tiri kissed him, her breath on Jake's face. He smiled. "I love you, Ney'tiri." Ney'tiri smiled back and kissed him again. "I do too."

Meanwhile Tsu'Tey was bawling his eyes out, singing the blues and other soppy love songs no one ever listens to because they sound so pathetic.

This was the best Valentine's Day ever.


End file.
